dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
