maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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