escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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