I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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