My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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