I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
