my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
