This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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