this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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