I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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