His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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