These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
