I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
