So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
