I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
