Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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