Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
