i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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