oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
