I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
