he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
