life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
