just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
