Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
