True but thats because hes a fetus.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
