I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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