We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just invented taco cereal.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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