I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
