u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
