i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
