yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
