If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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