How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
