but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
