Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
