Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
