On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
