Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
