We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
