My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
