he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
