I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
