My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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