Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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