no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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