put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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