He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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