you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
