theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
