She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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